John loves novelty merch. What better way to acquire novelty merch than to get friendly with novelty merchants and test/model their products? Here he is wearing a different company's merch.

When he isn't networking and modeling, John is a DoorDash guy. He gets paid in a single spoonful of gruel at the drive thru and a few of your French fries for each delivery. He already knows you are going to be refunding the order anyway. His favorite food is the Dashburger, especially when he gets the first bite.

In his spare time, John cooks a lot. He used to be the chef at a place called, I shit you not, Bugman Cafe. Unfortunately, the plandemic killed that job for him. But he made out fine in the long run, having escaped to America. John can take any dish you give him and enhance it with sauce packets from McDonalds.